Who am i?

I went to church this morning and led worship. I feel such a hypocryte. I spent last night calling her all the whores and prostitutes under the sun - and then sat in church. So who am I? Am I the bitter and twisted guy who plays around with other guys? the spurned, cuckolded husband? or am I this holy person. I don't feel holy, in fact I am in the grip of anger , bitterness and other nasty things. But if let go of church and God totally, there is nothing. It's the only good thing there is.

Am the only person who lives this much of a double life? which life is real?