Friday update 2

Church music practice in 50 minutes and I am having a mild panic attack. Why? this is what I love. But I am scared, scared of feeling like I did last week. Scared of not being the person they think I am, just scared.

So of course I cut myself. Which makes me feel more panicky about going.

Just after I wrote the last blog entry the phone went. It was the Psychiatric Nurse. They want to see me next wednesday. I am worried about that. I declined the mindbending chemicals and that was queried on the phone. So they will try to force me to take them. If they do I will run. FAST