The prostate is back with a vengence. I could do with out this wretched nagging pain. It is not helping.
I got up early today, got to work for 7 which was nice because I can finish at 4 if I do that. And I starte out feeling OK but I have slipped down as the day progressed. I have a morbid interest in reading about depression, medication and various things - none of which helped. By 4 I was totally low. My head felt muzzy, my legs heavy and I could not concentrate. Finding no compelling reason to go home I went into town and wandered around the mall. As soon as I got in there I was scared. Scared of all the people and somewhat confused and vague. I bought some herbal sleeping tablets - though dont know what I did with them. But there is valium in the bedroom - quite a lot between mine and hers. I am tempted to get wasteed on it - but i am resisting.
Tonight I am supposed to be recording with Ian, he's coming at 7.45. I hope things are stable here. I feel very low. Not creative at all. And I don't even have the will to want to feel better.
A
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