Well I survived the first night without sleep. Only to have another one. She demanded her condoms back (I noticed from her phone there had been a number of calls to Frank - the boyfriend) - she had met up with him and discovered them gone. For half the night she kept up the give me my money routine. I lost it at about 3 am called her a tart and spat in her face. Ok so now I AM a hypocrite. And yes I hate myself so you don't have to hate me. That was so out of character and I am shocked at myself. But I am hurting bad and have no release for the pain and anger.
So yesterday (after being effectively awake for 48 hours) I took the boys for a day out in London. We looked round the London Aquarium which was OK - my youngest loved that - despite the queues. Then we looked around the Salvador Dali exhibition next door, which my eldest wanted to see. The youngest liked the art but was too foot sore by then to enjoy it. I really connected with Dali - he was a rogue too. And he painted a picture - the Wine Casks in his Don Quixote series that really connected with me (I will post my Temptress poem at some point which seems to connect to that picture). Also a bronze sculpture of a unicorn piercing a wall with its horn, leaving a heart shape and a trickle of blood. Underneath was a beautiful naked woman in bronze with black hair. Sleeping. Protected by the unicorn. It was amazing. They had a smaller replica on sale - for nearly £1000! I could have thought about buying it - but the girl's hair was not black - how could they get that wrong?
Dali's art prompted me to carry on recording my latest track - Oblivion. It's a monstrously dark soundscape, an expression of the terror of death. It needs something though - because it's not quite working yet.
I had a liason arranged with a guy last night - but I stood him up. I felt so hypocritical that I couldn't bare to go through with it. Instead I went to see some friends and had a good chat.
Oh Katie has a new boyfriend. He looks like Gerry Adams! Scary. I hope it works out for her - although seeing his picture posted on line didn't exactly cheer me up because I still love that girl.
So last night I did sleep. Eight whole hours. I feel a bit better physically. But mentally I am still in tatters. I am going to confront Frank tomorrow. Not sure what good it will do, but I want him to know how I feel and what I think of him.
So yesterday (after being effectively awake for 48 hours) I took the boys for a day out in London. We looked round the London Aquarium which was OK - my youngest loved that - despite the queues. Then we looked around the Salvador Dali exhibition next door, which my eldest wanted to see. The youngest liked the art but was too foot sore by then to enjoy it. I really connected with Dali - he was a rogue too. And he painted a picture - the Wine Casks in his Don Quixote series that really connected with me (I will post my Temptress poem at some point which seems to connect to that picture). Also a bronze sculpture of a unicorn piercing a wall with its horn, leaving a heart shape and a trickle of blood. Underneath was a beautiful naked woman in bronze with black hair. Sleeping. Protected by the unicorn. It was amazing. They had a smaller replica on sale - for nearly £1000! I could have thought about buying it - but the girl's hair was not black - how could they get that wrong?
Dali's art prompted me to carry on recording my latest track - Oblivion. It's a monstrously dark soundscape, an expression of the terror of death. It needs something though - because it's not quite working yet.
I had a liason arranged with a guy last night - but I stood him up. I felt so hypocritical that I couldn't bare to go through with it. Instead I went to see some friends and had a good chat.
Oh Katie has a new boyfriend. He looks like Gerry Adams! Scary. I hope it works out for her - although seeing his picture posted on line didn't exactly cheer me up because I still love that girl.
So last night I did sleep. Eight whole hours. I feel a bit better physically. But mentally I am still in tatters. I am going to confront Frank tomorrow. Not sure what good it will do, but I want him to know how I feel and what I think of him.
PS if ANYONE reads this, please leave a comment. I'd just like to know I'm not talking to myself.
A
No comments:
Post a Comment