Sunday

It was slightly better today. don't think I cut yesterday did ? I don't remember.
I played in church this morning and at least felt my normal self and played better. Not too manic. In fact I felt a bit of a fraud. Except that now I feel really low again. Her niece is back with us now. She is a nice girl and an innocent party in all this. I am quite glad to see her because at least sshe is a moderating influence.

But still nothing is changed. I really ought to do something about this marriage. I also need to get the heating fixed, the dishwasher and the woodwork replaced on the garage. But can't be bothered in equal measure with any of them.

What do rememeber yesterday was going on one of those long walks. I think I mentioned it before. There was something sad though. On my way round walked past a nice pub that held a memorty because it was the night after Katie learned about my sexuality and I came out to some other friends. It wa a nice evening, a hot summer night all the more pleasent because felt honest again. The sad thing was however that the pub burned down earlier in the year and I walked past the site. There were still signs up for quiz nights and sunday roasts, but the place was a ruin. It made me sad and seemed somehow quite symbolic.

Wednesday grows closer and I am worried about it. Firstly I don't remember who my appointment is with. It just went straight through my head and out the otherside. Still I know where and when so hopefully it can be sorted out.

I feel a right fool for telling the vicar and the doc about my self harming. After all I am a guy in his forties.

Something got me mad yesterday. I did some research into an organisation called Christian Voice who were protesting at Pride. It turns out they are a right wing organisation who are more interested in homophobia than the word of God. They rant incessantly about gay people - even using the word queer in its most insulting context. Where is the love of God? They say they were pelted wth bottles and cans at Pride. I saw no evidence of that and it woud have been hard because they were completely ringed by police.

Anyway thats all for now I am sure I will find more to witter on about later. can say what like, no one reads it
Alice