Desperation

When I started this blog a week or so back it was just a diversion, just me poking fun at myself i guess - and somewhere to tell the secret stories I couldn't tell elsewhere.

Well tonight it all got nasty.

I had 3 hours sleep last night and it is now 2.40 am. I tried to talk to my so called wife. How do you remain calm when she starts putting cotton wool in her ears (literally) laughing at any point, however serious. But here's the punchline - apparently my younger son, who is so special, who I love so much, isn't mine. So she has taken the last precious thing I had.

UK readers (if anyone at all reads this crap) may be familiar with the plot of Eastenders and an angry young man called Sean. I know that anger, only he hurts other people when he's angry, I hurt myself. Tonight I slashed my arm three times with the kitchen knife. Don't worry I'm not bleeding to death. But neither did I feel pain. I am so angry and hurt and alone now, I have no one to turn to (those friends I do have are away on holiday) and Iam only writing this because the other option was just to run. I've tried that before and it doesn't work.

Help. Please