Sunday routine

Today was a normal sunday for me. Played for the kids at church which was fun, though I felt a little twitchy I was at least able to function. And I did wear a short sleaved shirt, the scars have healed well so I got away with it, I don't think anyone looked that closely. I got the chance to apologise to some people for being a bit weird on Friday.

Boredom caused me to go for my normal walk (route march?) around the lakes. It was real power walking and I tired myself out. But I also spent the time in self analysis and also in a strange mental role play game that I have, where I imagine a friend in trouble and then become the superhero who saves the day. It's a game I play often in my head and I don't understand why. Today's story was about a friend (I won't name her) who has psychotic episodes. I imagined being there for her in one of these episodes and being the only one who can help. I have never really understood why I do this and I normally don't realise I am doing it for quite a while. I spend a lot of time having conversations with an imaginery person in my head. Sometimes it's Katie, somtimes J, sometimes it's no one.

I got home, had a hot bath (pain relief) and spent more time in self analysis. Another pattern then repeated. I yawned. Then I got tearful, sobbed a bit but wished I could howl properly.

This evening we had a lovely service for (or rather by) a temporary member of our church who is returning to New Zealand. She was fantastic and inspiring. I wish I was like her. Still I played my music and people thanked me for it. Then I sloped off quietly in to the night having said my goodbyes to her.

I got home and suddenly (after calling me a weirdo) my wife asked me to grammer check her essay. (the thing is, after reading this crap would you have me grammer check anything?) So she was friendly. She stopped hating me just long enough to get something from me. Then naffed off back upstairs.

Now I am desperately tired again. And I can't eat because of tomorrow's cholesterol test so I think I will go to bed early. Of course she has set up shop in the bedroom again so I don't think that will happen.

All for now

A