Monday 10 September 2007

Another crisis day

In my head that is. I don't know how I got through today at work. It took me the whole day to do what should have taken an hour. I have such pressure in my head, I am so panicky and so very very tired. I spent the day mainly with my head in my hands or watching myself from outside myself. I don't know if I can bear anymore. I'd have gone home sick but what would I have said to people. I want to cut so badly but mustn't, I have to have a blood test this week and if I turn up with a slashed arm questions will be asked. As it is it looks as though I have permenant scars.

I am really worried about whether I can continue to do my job. I have such ridiculous deadlines and I am under a lot of pressure but I am only able to run at about one tenth speed. If I can think of an excuse I will take tomorrow off. But it is so hard. There are sick forms to complete and don't want this on my employment record. But I am scared will freak out badly at work.

I am sure some of this is the happy pills now, i seemed to ge worse once I started taking them.

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