Sunday morning

I had a bit of a rotten night. At about 3 I was woken (as is usual at the weekend) by drunks staggering and yelling on their way home. Then I realised I had toothache, or to be more precise an infected gum. Agony. But I can't take pain killers because of the happy pills so I had to put up with it. Drifted off to sleep just to be woken by the alarm. Went back to sleep. Woke up late for church, eldest boy leapt into the shower in front of me. Typical. I was very stressed and panicky, but the confidence thing meant I said nothing. So I rushed to church with my keyboard and got there in a terrible state, shaking and panicky but did my best to hide it.

Church actually went well once I got the swing of it although it was a long service. I played The Temptress and Will I Die Today in communion as a medley and was complimented on them. They are beautiful pieces if I say so myself but they have dark origans. Still I am holding on to what Sue said about God being with us even in the dark places, which is why it felt ok to play those pieces in church.

Had a long chat with J after the service, told her about my surreal birthday and my panic attack yesterday. She identified with that because she gets panic attacks too. We also talked about Katie and her latest beau and I pretended not to feel anything about that. But of course I do feel sort of odd about it all. Still although my heart is still playing up over that one at least my head knows what is right and is trying to stick to it.

The other news is I didn't cut myself yesterday which means for the first time in ages I am now wearing a T shirt which is nice. You can still see the scars if you look close but who cares.

A