Apathy and Anxiety

Apathy was definitely today's word. No attention span or will to do anything even though I did try.

First thing I did muster the enthusiasm to get a haircut and I got the barber who makes conversation - and I wasn't feeling chatty. Still it was over quickly. then I paid in a cheque - still ok at that point. Then I decided to go and buy some clothes - and that's when it happened. You know how it is on a TV play or movie when someone is going through some breakdown or other and they illustrate it using effects making everything go blurry echoy and distant. Well it was just like that as soon as I got into the mall. It all sounded too confusing, everything was a blur and I kept crashing into people. Ugh. So I went home. I tried to record some music. Couldn't concentrate that well but then the wife came back with her friend, a patronising woman who I strongly dislike. So I hid upstairs. When she went I came out, tried again to play my music but couldn't concentrate. Nothing on TV. Paced around the house and lay down for a bit.

Then I decided I would go back to town, walking this time, to buy those clothes. I was fine whilst walking then bang, as soon as I got into the mall the same again. PANIC! Wandered around, looked at a few things, got more and more panicky and came home in a terrible state. Got home and my neighbour engaged me in conversation, I watched myself have a totally lucid conversation with her. But it was weird - just like I was watching.

Now I am just sitting doing nothing, I feel like cutting again.......

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